Tips From A Gentleman: 1st Date Rules
It seems to me that proper dating etiquette is far removed from our generation. A movement towards a more casual rapport with intimacy permeates the practices of young adults. I too have been a victim of a lethargic love affair or two. I don’t negatively mention these in an attempt to say that they cannot be fulfilling. Rather, I’d like to confront the idea of the depletion of the institution of proper and meaningful courting techniques. Yes, a proper date is significant and vital towards impressions of attraction and compatibility.
In last months tip I provided a general outlook towards how to best conduct yourself and be prepared for a dating experience with that special someone. As I’m sure you’re all aware, not all dates will be with your soul mate. As you strive to find that individual who will potentially complete you, here are some personal and universal opinions on specific mannerisms, which can lead to breaking the deal as well as sealing it.
A unanimous trait that all dates should include, but sometimes forgotten due to lack of experience, is the implementation of manners. Utilizing common courtesies on a date may be a small gesture here and there, yet their combined impact is immense and speaks volumes to all sorts of different impressions you present. A very common one that is habitual and its impact is frequently overlooked is the consistent checking and answering of one’s mobile device. Not only is pulling out your phone while at a meal understood to be universally rude, it can become annoying and can influence your date to believe that you are not interested in them.
Without a doubt you want to be interested in them. My advice when on a date, regarding your phone, is to keep it on silent or vibrate. It is ok to check it, but not too frequently and not over a meal. I suggest checking your phone during a transitional moment during the outing. Gentlemen, after closing her door when getting into the car you can then quickly check for any important messages while walking over to your side of the vehicle. Ladies this time is good for you as well. Whilst the gentlemen is walking to his side of the car feel free to check your mobile device for messages. Remember, you want the other person to feel as if they are your primary focus while you are with them.
Another common courtesy, this one more geared towards ladies; when ordering your meal while on a dinner date try not to order outside of the gentleman’s budget. By no means do I believe any of us are so well off that budgeting isn’t a factor in everyday life. If so, then ladies I don’t promote gold digging, but it is fiscally responsible. In truth, by consciously not stretching the gentleman’s pockets you show attentiveness, class and appreciation. In turn, his willingness to want to treat you more will ultimately surface.
Don’t lie. Plain and simple. I’m mostly referring to small lies. The modest lies will only turn into bigger ones, digging a deeper hole and once you find out that you’re really into this person they will have figured out your lies and dismiss you due to lack of trust. They are by all means just in doing so. An example would be something miniscule like saying that you love, what turns out to be, their favorite musical artist and in actuality you maybe know one or two songs. I guarantee you will be exposed if a conversation presents itself. What is more impressive is to say you aren’t too familiar with the artist and in between the time you see that person, familiarize yourself with them. This shows a dedication to the other person, being truly interested in them and wanting to be interested in what they are interested in. It is ok if not all of your date’s passions are your passions. If you’re passionate about the person their interests will undoubtedly become your interests as well.
Congratulations! You’ve made it to the second date. The first went well and you hope to further synchronize the harmony the two of you have set into motion. You do not want to break the deal at this juncture. There are a couple common practices to keep things positive and constructive. Make an effort to be agreeable. Of course we are all entitled to our opinions, and our beliefs define who we are. We must also understand that holds true for the individual we are on the date with. Normally you don’t discuss politics or religion over dinner, but I’m not necessarily opposed to it if both parties can maturely agree to disagree if they have varying opinions.
Those topics typically are not two subjects you want to highlight in the early stages of getting to know someone. A discreet bitterness can brew when alternate sides of these two influential concepts are discussed. Ironically, in lieu of the 2012 Presidential election I would like to say that I hope you all voted. Circumstantially, if either of these two topics, or any other that you don’t agree on for that matter, manages to breach the surface during your date, be sure to make a legitimate effort to be agreeable. Aggressive stubbornness is a common deal breaker.
The next second-date deal breaker is the plight of hubris. As you recall from last months tip, it is ok to be confident in yourself; I encourage it. But once confidence reaches the realm of arrogance then it doesn’t usually leave a quality impression. You want your date to be able to relate to you and your feelings about yourself, not turn them off to you.
Lastly, I would like to say put forth an effort. It makes all the difference. We all have the ability to tell if that person we’re out on a date with has made that effort. This is an all-encompassing reference. Make an effort to look good for that other person. Dressing for the occasion and looking your best for that other person shows class and thoughtfulness. A lady that is elegant and fun will almost always be desired. Also Gentlemen, I challenge you to be charming and charismatic. Of course it is always important to be yourself, but these qualities turn the average person into a keeper, it’s your individuality that makes you a catch.
Practicing these courting techniques will help mold you into a successful date. On your next rendezvous see how these things work for you and be sure to add your personal spin on the advice that I’ve offered. If you find someone you want to take that next step with I can give you a tip…but you’ll have to read next months issue. Happy dating.
Written by: Jason Robinson