A consistent motif amongst individuals when meeting someone whom we strongly want to take a liking to us, from a relationship standpoint, is the alteration of character. The forfeiting of personal passions, and in extreme cases, can result in the surrendering of ones goals. We view these submissions as necessary sacrifices that in turn develop into the foundation of building a stronger relationship. This practice is carried out by both men and women, and done so with respectable intent. I myself have introverted certain aspects of my personality in the hopes to comfort another in garnering a relationship. Although it gives us all a sense of joy and satisfaction to please this significant or intended other, it does not always lend to the construction of a solid base of a relationship..
When in the early stages of getting to know a potential companion, we find it easier to appeal to the facets of life we know they are fond of. Some aspects are minor and do not make alterations much in the way of character, like clothing and grooming preferences. Other partialities, such as ones sense of humor, taste in movies and particular hobbies can sometimes overshadow our own. We then can feel inferior or not good enough, this ultimately leads to the romantic trope of trying too hard.
Men, don’t be over accommodating in your early dating endeavors. Using a typical date as an example, if you go out to a dinner and a movie, do not ask her where to eat and what movie to see. That is unnecessary pressure you thrust upon her. Ultimately women like to be and should be the focus of the first few dates. Deferring to the lady for what you do in the early stages of dating can influence women to perceive you as indecisive and possibly boring. Taking the initiative to plan an extravagant or casual outing helps you look organized, dependable and most importantly, exceptionally interested in her and your desire to have a good time in her company. Prior planning only requires a small effort but can go a long way. If you have a dinner date and movie planned, depending on where you go, make a reservation and order the movie tickets ahead of time. Not only will you look prepared, but you will also create a smooth flow throughout the entirety of the date.
Ladies, when making that connection in the early stages with that special someone be sure to be comfortable in your skin. Present yourself in a confident manner at all times. You do not need to be an over imposing force of nature or full of yourself, just sure of yourself and what you want in life. In a dating environment, even though you should be the focal point, be sure to show an interest in the gentleman who is taking you out and be appreciative of the things that he does for you. This includes small overlooked efforts such as having the door opened for you and pulling out your chair when sitting down. Making him feel appreciated for all the little things will not only make him want to continue doing them but will help him see you as understanding and enthusiastic, not to mention he’ll know you like what he’s doing, which should increase the chemistry.
In retrospect the best way to develop the foundation of any relationship is to be yourself. Of course we all must sacrifice in order to make a relationship work, but more important than that is for both individuals to understand each other on a mental and personal level. With this, the other person will recognize your sacrifices and appreciate them. A huge factor in relationship breakdowns is one side, usually both, feeling under appreciated in some way. By being yourself in the very beginning of the bonding experience, less surprises arise about who you are to them and who they are to you. It becomes less of a matter of “I didn’t know this about you, I don’t like it,” as oppose to already having a well established understanding of one another and setting the tone for how things will be worked out.
So ladies and gentlemen along with these minor suggestions, my overarching advice for you is to be yourself. With this you’re guaranteed to leave a lasting impression.
Written By: Jason Robinson
Edited By: J. Thompson