TOUCH: World Wide Dating Dot Com
“How sweet it is to be loved by you”, the sweet lyrics of the legendary Marvin Gaye, reminisce of how simple love and dating use to be back when our parents and grandparents were growing up. Today, what used to be so easy, has now turned into crazy scrutinized dating where mates watch each other’s every move on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. I call it a new age stalking, the kind that’s not looked down upon because we all know it’s happening. Today, relationships are put under the microscope as couples broadcast their whole relationship online. In order to have a successful relationship there are boundaries that need to be laid out and trust to be developed before a relationship can take on the social media obstacle. Not every relationship will have social media problems, however for those who have, or if you’re one to wear your heart on your timeline, then this article is for you.
Sometimes the best way for people to learn is by example, so I am going to tell you a personal story of mine that social media played a minor role in its downfall. Prior to dating my ex, I had known him mainly through Facebook and had been friends with a family member of his since grade school. Our first initial contact in 8 years was through Facebook, so of course that’s where I mainly found out information on him. I would go through his Timeline and do as much “research” as I could to find out who he had dated in the past, what he normally talks about on Facebook and just basically be nosy. The information that I had recovered was not serious enough to make me lose interest so we began to date.
Now, prior to trust being established I knew he was a ladies’ man, women would always comment on his photos and status updates and I would think nothing of it, being confident I knew what I had and that other women were interested, but maintained that confidence only as long as he wasn’t. I then started noticing the same woman commenting on his photos, status updates and making inside jokes that only he would reply to, this was a red flag for me. I brought it to his attention to only be told “It’s just Facebook, I’m not f*&king her”. Feeling like I had been too over analytical I agreed and digressed from the topic, but of course still keeping my eye on this woman. With the same back to back flirting going on between the two, I decided to become a detective, I know you’re probably thinking I’m terrible for doing such a thing!
I would go through his timeline and read every conversation that they had in the past to only find out that yes, they had been intimate with one another. Thanks to Facebook, people like to intentionally post when they are planning late night rendezvous. Ultimately, that relationship came to an end, not due to Facebook however. My point with the story is that social media has become a two-edged tool in the dating world; it can either be a positive or destructive one. To maintain a healthy relationship in a time where everyone updates every second of their lives on some form of social network, I find now from experience that it is best to be cautious on what you place out there while in a relationship. Because we all know things have a way of coming back to haunt you. Relationships are hard enough without the pressures of feeling encouraged to post intimate details about your relationship to gain a following. I took a poll to find out how many people who use Facebook, Twitter etc. have experienced relationship problems due to something that was posted. Surprisingly, out of 30 people who responded to the survey 60% had indicated that social media was NOT the cause of them breaking up and had listed “Other”.
Learning from my mistakes.
Here are some tips when it comes to dating and social media:
- Don’t over share. If you having a rough time in your relationship don’t take to Facebook or Twitter to vent. Example “I am through with this, I give you my all and you always hurt me. I’m done”. No one needs to know this except the person who was meant to read it.
- Don’t jump to conclusions. We all are meant to be social, so don’t do like I did and turn into a detective every time someone likes or comments on a photo that your partner has. When you need to know, ask.
- Don’t keep secrets. If you are secretly seeing someone via Twitter or Facebook be prepared for a sticky situation. “What’s done in the dark will come to light, eventually.”
- Don’t get caught up in the relationship status hoopla. If you are in a relationship, that’s your business. If you decide you want the world to know you are no longer single that is your choice don’t expect your partner to do the same because they may not be that open.
Now to the readers:
Have you ever experienced a relationship that went bad due to social media? If so, how did you resolve the situation?
And did the situation cause you to make a positive change regarding how much information you share about your personal relationships over social networks?
Written By: Danielle White