How to Make Your Woman Feel Secure
I hate to admit it, but ever since I was cheated on years ago, a part of me still has TRUST ISSUES. I never wanted to become that girl who psychotically snoops through her man’s phone, or cross examines him after a night out with his boys. For the most part, I have concealed my trust issues. Okay fine, a couple of months ago I did go through my man’s phone BUT only because he gave me a reason. Don’t come over WASTED and pass out while your phone is ringing nonstop with calls from jump offs trying to meet up. In his defense, we weren’t in a relationship at that point. We have recovered from that night as we are still together. The only thing that saved us was open communication and me finally admitting that “I don’t trust those b*tch*es,” as Drake would say.
Of course trusting someone to have your best interest at heart is never easy, but in a relationship it is essential. This is why I think it’s important to give some DOs and DON’Ts that could keep your girlfriend sane, instead of encouraging her to tap in to her inner psychotic behaviors- I’ve seen a GOOD girl gone BAD. The two areas you should consider are: talking about past girlfriends and social networking sites.
CASE OF THE EX
At some point in your relationship you will eventually mention an ex-girlfriend whether it is to highlight a pet peeve or share past experiences. Some women are okay hearing about past girlfriends because they might be curious. However, use caution when on this topic and choose your words wisely.
○ DO discuss what you disliked- we prefer to know this right away.
○ DO talk about your likes but keep it general instead of tying it to a specific ex- This prevents you from casting too much spotlight on her which becomes annoying.
○ DO mention past mistakes so we know not to make them.
○ DO bring up exes in moderation- we don’t like to constantly hear about past women just as you don’t like to hear about our past dudes.
○ DO admit if you still keep in touch with an ex- we don’t like the unexpected. Give us the opportunity to express how this makes us feel.
○ DO admit that although an ex may have been amazing in some areas, there is a reason why you are not still with her- Although this is kind of obvious women forget this simple fact and obsess over all of the things you did love about your ex-girlfriend. Mentioning this lets us know that you are happy with us and are not wishing you were with someone else.
○ DON’T talk about how great they made a meal- Women take pride in their cooking so if you constantly say your ex was better, she might never want to cook for you again.
○ DON’T talk about how your mom loves your ex- This puts pressure on your new girlfriend to compete with a ghost. Women generally feel a lot of pressure to be accepted by their significant other’s family so no need to add to it.
○ DON’T humanize an ex by using her name- Bringing a particular ex to life gives us a person to hate and compare ourselves to.
○ DON’T make an ex relevant- Keep her in the past. Continuously bringing up an ex makes us wonder if that door is truly closed.
○ DON’T make comparisons between your new girlfriend and a former girlfriend during an argument. This fuels our anger and is probably why you have heard “well why don’t you get back with ______ if things were so good!”
○ DON’T compare the things you liked about an ex-girlfriend with the things you dislike about your new girlfriend- This makes us feel like we are competing in a battle we can never win. Also, you are setting yourself up for failure if you expect to replicate a past girlfriend with your current one.
On to the topic of social networking aka the ultimate world of THIRST. Whether it’s Facebook, Myspace (I hope not . . . move on), Twitter, Skype, Oovoo, Gchat, ichat, or text messages- my only advice for you is to use some TACT. Generally speaking, every man will have his share of digital girl groupies, but who cares? I don’t so long as the interaction remains digital. These women usually are not any competition but every once in a while one might slip in and try to commit a robbery.
○ DO mention digital girls who always pop up- This lets us know that you have nothing to hide.
○ DO realize that everything on these social networking sites is up for public display- so don’t embarrass us!
○ DO add us on these sites if a request is sent- Nothing is more questionable than a pending request or being denied.
○ DO respond to our comments- It’s nice when you acknowledge our presence instead of treating us like a stranger b*tch.
○ DO have an open phone policy by sharing passwords- My boyfriend knows my password and that’s because I have nothing to hide. He has never checked my phone and since our incident that I mentioned earlier, I have not checked his phone. Trusting each other enough to swap passwords makes me feel that much more secure (This is questionable for most people but it works for us)
○ DO post a picture or two of you and your girlfriend- I am a private person but even I can admit that getting public recognition is the ultimate form of flattery. Even if the digital girls may be all over your page, your girlfriend will appreciate the statement you are making.
○ DON’T spend quality time on Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter when you’re with your significant other- What is the point of us being there???
○ DON’T spend quality time on Hulu, WorldStarHipHop, or TMZ- Depends on the girl. I’ve sat with some of my exes and laughed at the foolery going on in the media. Just remember to include your significant other instead of isolating yourself.
○ DON’T have profiles on eHarmony or Skout when you are in a relationship- This leads us to believe that you are still looking and are not in the same relationship we are in.
○ DON’T make excessive comments on the profiles of your digital groupies- especially when they are half naked.
○ DON’T put up statuses eluding to you being a bachelor or never wanting to commit- This sends us mixed messages and confuses us especially if we are in a committed relationship with you.
○ DON’T openly flirt with a digital girl- Having a casual conversation I can accept but openly flirting is grounds for an argument because it all goes back to us looking stupid in a public space.
○ DON’T be on your phone texting another b*tch (who happens to be the next b*tch) – Self explanatory
○ DON’T make excuses for other women who are clearly attracted to you or would f*ck you. Call a bop…a bop- Ignoring the obvious infuriates us especially when you defend the digital girl’s true intentions.
○ DON’T keep old pictures of ex-girls up that lead others to believe you guys are still intimate- MOVE ON!
Making a woman feel secure is a full-time job. Aside from paying attention to how you talk about ex-girlfriends and how you manage your social networking interactions, the easiest thing you can do is show that you value us. Compliments go a long way especially if you have been in a relationship for a while. Women like to know that you notice the slightest changes. If you spend more time acknowledging your significant other’s presence in your life she has less time to worry about her insecurities. So forget all of the DOs and DON’Ts and start there! That is the most basic piece of information I can give you.
Written By: MT